Today will mark my first day back after dealing with a terrible depression. Most of us have writer’s block from time to time and that is what I thought I was experiencing. Now, after nearly a month away from what had formerly consumed every fiber of my being (my blog and the blogs of friends) I know that it wasn’t writer’s block.
I had been nominated for an award by Olivia and I so wanted to accept this with all the fun that went along with it by answering the questions and nominating other bloggers who deserved the Liebster. But it wasn’t happening. Every time I sat down in front of my computer to post, I was blank. So I kept asking myself why. Why didn’t I care to finish the requirements of the Award I was nominated for? What about all the bloggers I had been reading that could be having a part in this. What about my readers?
I was struggling with other areas of my life. My health and family. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t pretend all was alright. So today I am willing to explore this in my blog. I need to. Where I’ve been the last three plus weeks doesn’t matter now. The ‘Whys’ don’t matter now. What matters is that I am writing again. I am reading again. I am alive again. Without those things, I might as well be asleep.
And today I’m asking myself—What really matters?. What matters is that I get back to writing. What matters is that I do whatever it takes to get back on track. And one very important thing that matters is who am I writing for? We write because we want to be read. But when we – when I – write, I am writing for myself. I have to write. It is a necessary part of how my brain functions and without that, I begin to decompose. So the most important thing I can reveal about myself is not found in an Award (although I still want to complete the Liebster). And the most intriguing thing about me is not always positive. Depression can be negative. But I won’t shy away from writing about it if that’s all there is to write about that week. Hopefully you’ll identify with my weaknesses as much as my strengths.